Where did it go?

I've had a lot of changes in the last 3 years.  While menopause still haunts the stability of my mental & physical health and has for the past 10 years, Covid and my decision to retire early rocked my world more than I thought possible.  

As a planner with (undiagnosed) attention deficit disorder, which one might say is an oxymoron, let me assure you that planning is what keeps ADD in check.  I need a list and a purpose.  The lockdown and then "what to do with all this time" kind of put me in a tailspin.  While horse people would say, "well, ride your horse of course", remember, I retired.  The world didn't retire with me.  Someday, I'll blog about that crazy path but in short, after 3 years, I am much more settled and took the reins of my life again.  No more "woe is me".  My life may look different but I am doing what makes me happy.  And gasp, it is not all about horses!  

While I don't think my past blog fits in with today's social media, I have been working on a YouTube project and those past viewers could help kickoff that new project when & if I am ready for it.  Imagine my surprise when I went to log onto this website on my phone and it was GONE!  

What the f**k!  It's on auto-renewal!  A wave of nauseous hit as I thought every word I have written over the last two decades are gone.  As I rushed to the desktop computer with "say it isn't so" running through my head, a small voice of reason said that nothing is ever lost on the internet.  How often do we warn our kids that nothing is ever deleted on the internet and past digressions can haunt you until you are dead.  Surely it is the same for my horse musings?  

The first thing I saw was :

"This domain is taken.  We still might be able to get it for you."

Hello.  It sure is taken.  It is mine!  

My fingers were flying on the keyboard.  I learned my web-host went thru a buy out and my lack of response to a request for new payment methods which must have been sent to an old email address resulted in my domain going dark. 

I found the name of the new company who took over the service.  And quickly completed the contact forms which I hope will get it back to me.  It will probably cost me.  But I've spent money on other stupid things.  It is what it is.  

So, with a short term plan of securing my domain, my next concern - which was really my primary concern - was the years of content that I created on that blog. What I wrote was not of literary excellence but words from my soul.  Every ride, ever blunder, every trail, every friendship, every horse, every dream, every goal, every failure - my horse life for almost 20 years - was chronicled through those pages.  It was a crazy story of this middle aged woman who loves horses and jumped in over her head loving every minute of what could surely be a catastrophe but managing to dodge every bullet and I took over 100,000 viewers on that ride with me.  I want to remember what I forgot by reading those entries and comments.  

Carefully, I entered the path I used for content composition.  

"404. That’s an error.  The requested URL / was not found on this server. That’s all we know."

Cue up the horror and dread music.  

I wanted to puke.  

But my ADD mind kept racing.  Blogspot is (or was?) owned by Google.  Google surely wouldn't let me down.  Heck, I think I made 67 cents from Google via ads on my website in its heydey.  Deep breath.  Somehow my dead domain is linked to blogspot.  I had them connected.  Maybe that is why the URL error is coming up.  Did Google unload Blogspot.

I slowly typed the web address for blogspot proper in the search bar and enter my Google credentials and password.  

Cue up the hallelujah music!  

There it is.  Google didn't let me down!  Page after page of my ramblings and photos are still there!  Might be dusty from being stored in some data warehouse, but brought back to life with a user name and password.  My last entry was in January 2023 when I laid Blue to rest.  

I feel like I have a temporary reprieve and will go enjoy a glass of wine or stiff drink for now.  Then I'll need to figure out how to reroute simply horsetrailriders.com to horsetrailriders.blogspot.com.  If anyone knows, comment below.  

There has been this "story" shared on Facebook and Insta lately saying that 100 years from now most of the people alive will never know our name, others will be in our homes, our items, once so precious to us,  will be given away or destroyed and our pictures gone.  Our closest relatives will be gone, too.  It's all rather depressing when you think about it.  While we think we are saving our words and photos and memories for those we leave behind, and to a point we are, there are also things that are precious to us and no one will appreciate it like we do.  That is what this blog is to me.  You may have read it once and never gave it any thought, but I lived those moments.  And today the lost - that I didn't know was lost - is found.