Frazzled

It's only Wednesday.
The week is dragging;
It feels like
It should already be Friday.

Driving in to work
I put in the last CD to the audio book
“Chosen by a Horse”.
I knew the end was near
And I couldn’t deal with
What would result in smudged mascara and
A running nose.
I’d cry later and
I switched back to talk radio.
Even that couldn’t hold my attention.

Once at work
I had a cryptic email from a friend
That led me to believe he lost his job.
He had.
Another email from
My son’s teacher.
Another missed assignment
And concern for his grade.
I don’t remember school
Being this hard.
I also learned of another’s pain
Which was, no doubt,
A blow to her gut
Much worse
Than the one
I felt for her.
I needed to ride.

We coast through life
Most days,
Feeling like we are
Raising our kids right
Secure in our job
And loved by our family
And it frazzled me to think
It is all so fragile.
Nothing is a sure thing.
I needed to ride.

On my way home
I listened to the last chapters
Of that audio book
And I mourned the loss
Of Lay Me Down.
And I cried for my friends
And their families
And the losses they were
Tackling today
That will be with them for days on end.
I cried for my own vulnerability.
And what we take for granted
And shouldn’t.
I needed to ride.

At the barn
My mare stood quietly
As I tacked her up.
But once I was in the saddle
She was jittery and impatient
She made me work for it this time
No doubt she felt my anxiousness
Or sadness
Or whatever it was I was feeling
I’d like to think she knew
That I wasn’t right.
And that made us not right
But that I needed to ride.

As we moved further down the road
I could finally loosen her reins.
She snorted
I sighed.
And for that hour or so
My world was right.
Frazzled.
But okay.
And I rode on.